Today, my family finally received the blessing of finally knowing what to do in regards to managing the needs of our special needs son and our other children. I posted today on our blog, below and thought I would share our blessing with you. Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I really needed it and was thankful for a safe haven in which to seek help.
Blessings of a School Bus
Yes, you read the title right. Yes, a homeschool mom is thankful for the school bus. Many of you know the struggle our family has been having this fall with managing J's Speech needs and those of my homeschooled children and nearly 2 year old. In fact, as I look back now, my last post to this blog was full of despair, despite my resolve to have a brighter week by making some changes. And today and yesterday have been very bright. The home, at least the parts that have been reclaimed are being maintained (I know, two days...but it is my victory for now). For many weeks now I have been pondering and praying about the needs of my kids. I just couldn't do it all. I was filled to the brim of tears and my life felt in chaos. Literal chaos. I felt my spiritual life being neglected, there was no time for "me, let alone them" (as it relates to our Thomas Jefferson Educational philosophy of "You, not them.") And my home...fell apart around me. Something just had to give. Like I said, after weeks of prayer and making one decision then changing our mind week after week. In my heart I just knew that taking J out was not the right choice and we couldn't feel that it was right to put A and C in public school either. I can not ever recall in my life where a prayer took so long to be answered. Ever! I felt alone and perhaps unworthy of an answer to prayer. I pleaded to HIM in my heart and finally I said if it isn't for me, then do it for my kids. PLEASE. And still, no answer.
The other day brought remembrance of this quote from Spencer W. Kimball:
“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel.” (“What I Hope You Will Teach My Grandchildren and All Others of the Youth of Zion,” address to Seminary and Institute personnel, Brigham Young University, 11 July 1966, p. 6.)
This has given me a new sense of where my You time should be spent.This was on Sunday and I began to ponder my relationship with my Heavenly Father and the whole "You, not them philosophy."
And then... another message from Him yesterday as I read in the car while waiting to pick up J from preschool from the book we are reading for our January Women's Colloquium (we are taking Dec off). It is from the book, In My Father's House, by Corrie ten Boom. She, on page 26 writes, "How often we think when a prayer is not answered that God has said no. Many times, He has simply said; wait."
How truly thankful I am that I spent weeks of torturous indecisiveness and waiting for the answer that came today. It was worth it, for today. It was worth it to feel the spirit so strong when a school bus drove up today (unannounced, no phone call of approval, it just showed up!) to relieve me of the distance, time, and preparation of 4 children in the car to take J to preschool and back, where I knew in my heart that even though he may not be getting the most optimal of help (and that help I know can be changed by may advocating for him), nevertheless...it is help he needs. I could never shake that, despite my strong convictions regarding the benefits and blessings of homeschooling. It is what's right for him. It was worth it to feel that my family and I were so loved by Heavenly Father, that he would bless me with the ability to have the blessings of both worlds. I am thankful for a simple miracle today, that came in the form of a school bus.
Today is also my birthday. I don't think that I could have a better gift than an answer to prayer that was so desperately needed and wanted.
Be courageous enough to wait for your blessings....Lesson Learned.