Wednesday, November 12, 2008

When Dad Doesn't Want to Know

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this issue--Dad doesn't want to know what TJEd is all about.   I'm the one who wanted to homeschool our kids and talked with my husband about it.  He went and visited with my sis and bil- who homeschool- and became okay with the idea of homeschooling.  So with that, I began my journey of deciding how I wanted to teach my children.  I knew some things I didn't want
1.  No Textbooks-  I knew they only contained what the editors wanted to put forward.
2.  No School at Home-  for me this came after fighting with my oldest, b/c "that's not how we do it in school."
3.  Kids thinking Learning only happens at/during school-  even though I went to PS, my parents always showed me that learning is all around.
So with those things in mind I began my journey.  Shiloah introduced me to TJEd, and I KNEW this is what was right for my family.  I tried to share with my husband how I wanted our home set up.  I began to explain the important points of TJEd.  He wasn't really interested, instead he told me that homeschooling is my thing, and that I can do what ever I want.  However, over the last couple of months,  he keeps telling me that he doesn't think the kids are learning anything.  We had planned on attending a Face to Face seminar, but that didn't happen.  We have "A Thomas Jefferson Education", "The Home Companion", and "A Leadership Education," but DH doesn't want to read any of them. I guess here's the big dilemma, DH doesn't like to read.  In the 8 years we've been married he's read 6 books.  How do I get my husband involved?  We started holding FECs which seems to help DH know what's going on with each of the kids.  I've finally realized that I need to utilize my husbands strengths.  He's very handy, and can teach the kids things that I can't-- like making campfires.


texasblu said...

My husband had that mentality for a long time. He still does to a degree. I just asked him to come along to colloquia with me, or to Basic Training, etc. Association and listening to other Dads who HAD done the reading really helped. He also listened to some of the cds.

He'll come along eventually. Just move along and keep inviting him - never shut him out. when he makes a baby step, celebrate it in gratitude. These things usually peek an interest. Also, even though it would be ideal, I've come to accept that we're together for a reason - my husband's talents and contributions are different from mine (even his mission), and if that means he gives me free reign without contributing to the home school, I'm fine with that. I celebrate that he isn't fighting me. He used to get worried and now he's the one quoting me back to myself when I feel edgy. :)

Marie said...

My parents had the opposite problem, my dad read about, loved, and wanted homeschool for his kids, but without my mom's support it didn't happen. She came around after 4 kids went through public school, and now they're homeschooling no.'s 5, 6, and 7. I guess, first of all be grateful for what you have. You can homeschool if mom's into it and dad's lukewarm, but not usually the other way around (unless he's a stay-at-home dad.)
Also, I've found with my husband, he likes to read his own books, but he'll often let me read mine aloud to him. I don't know if your husband would be patient with that.
The other thing is celebrate points of agreement. TJEd (and even more homeschool) is not about a specific set of specifications and curriculums. Find what works for your family, and rejoice in agreement. If he doesn't like textbooks either, be glad that there's no fight on that. Or if he values hands on learning, point out times that you do that with your kids, and invite him to participate.
Even my parents, on their 26th year of marriage and 7th kid worry about if this 9 yr old is learning enough, or if there on track in their educating him. Instead of being defensive about what he thinks your kids aren't learning, share with each other your uncertainties, say "I've been concerned about that too, I've thought of trying this... any ideas?" Share that you're both slightly fearful, but doing your best, and have hope in the long term outcome.
This sounds super preachy, especially coming from someone as young and inexperienced as me. Take what you like and leave the rest, I won't be offended :)

Heidi A. said...

I was so glad to find your blog.
I've been in the same situation for the 9 yrs. that I've homeschooled. I'm actually a single-parent and have never had any support (much to the contrary) from my former husband - so, I know what a challenge it is.
Bless you for your willingness to do what you feel to do despite the opposition or lack of support. I've often felt that sometimes the promptings come through the women as we, by nature, are often the more spiritual creatures!

But, the family and children are blessed with homeschooling. They learn so much even when there aren't pages of 'busywork' to show for it.

It's hard to change the 'traditions of the fathers' when that is all that a person has known in the past. But, if the "true aim of education is the education of the heart" then you're well on your way!

I would love to add you to our new list for homeschool Mom bloggers if you are interested. (just go to the site and add your name)

If your husband would be open to looking at it he'd find links to all sorts of homeschooling groups and families and would know that it's a growing movement with many excellent people choosing it as a great and wonderful option.